Hope it will last long..

I went out wif him today'. I was so nervous. I was trying to be cool but deep inside i feel i was carrying a bomb! Gosh, i can see his smile though i know he still hurts. But at least i know he still wif me. I won't give up!!! As the nite came, I saw a full moon. I am hoping that as long as there's a tyme to catch wif those hopes i won't stop from chasing after it. I won't repeat the same thing. Now i just want him back..n i want to keep only beautiful memory of him =')

Unforgivable Mistake

p/s : sayang I am happy for you.. Thanx for today, I appreciate u still wanna look at my foolish face. Even there's no smile from you. I have done my best to hide my sadness. It has been a week i cried every nyte. I just can't forgive myself,i am a jerk! What else I can do? I can only try,try n keep on trying to have you back like before. Even it looks like there's no hope. I won't give up coz I love you sooo much more than myself :') I respect yr decision..i think u've thought that is the best for us rite? Sayang,,i only have u beside my mom. I am sorry for letting you down till dis bad. But i am too afraid, i was lost at dat moment. I try to get you, but i am not dat strong even till now. Please forgive me(if i should kneel to you,i would do) My heart is not important anymore.. I just want a forgiveness from you. Not an ordinary forgiveness,but from the bottom of yr heart. Hmmm,.

Adakah ini takdirnya?

Hari ni aku beranikan diri terima ajakan dia kluar,. Kami tgk wyg cter Twilight. Aku rindukan dia,aku nak sgt kami mcm dulu(sdkit hrapan) Hmm,,tp ape yg aku jangka dn risaukan t'nyata brlaku, Tiada segaris snyuman pun yg muncul dr bibir dia. Tiada gurauan dn sakatan spt selalu. Aku hnya membisu kebanyakan waktu, cbe menyanyi dn t'snyum utk mngurangkan debar. SUMPAH! aku tkot sgt2,. nak b'sore aku tkot. Hnya kedengaran sore nada tnggi knyakannya dpd dia =( Kejamnya aku! Aku punca dia serik smpai ke thap tu. Sememangnya kami da x mcm dulu,tp di saat dia cba b'baek dgn aku.. Aku lah pnce sume ni!! Da xkan ade lg istilah 'dulu' katanya. Ape ptot aku buat? Aku hnya mampu menangis pd mlm hari. Dn bla siang menjelma, aku cbe utk lpekn kesedihan ni. Sungguh aku amt mencintai dn menyayangi lelaki ini. Tp aku tlalau b'gantung pd dia dn scre x lgsung aku b'hrap pd dia. Bla tmbul kesilapan yg aku lkukan, dia prgi tanpa menoleh ke blkg. Aku? X mmpu utk lakukan apa2.. Aku cme mahukan sekeping kemaafan. Dia dah pun maafkan aku scre lisan, tp dalaman aku tahu aku x lyak utk dimaafkan! Aku sdar sape diri aku, sjak dlu lg aku mmg lyak dibenci ole org yg aku syg. Hmm..adakah lg sinar bg diri aku? Aku mahu bhnti hdup dlm hrapan tp aku x mmpu. Aku x mahu menumpang lg, tp niat aku tulus utk mencintai dia. Mgkin btol kta dia tlalu awal utk hbngan kami. Tp npe kali ni aku x mmpu mngatakan apa2? Aku xpnh demand utk dia ikut cara aku, sbb aku tau dia x mmpu. Tp aku rindu dia yg dulu,yg cbe utk ikut caraku. Skrg sume da hlg..krn prbuatan aku!! Sungguh aku btmbah buntu.. aku diburu masa silam dn masa hdapan yg samar. Xde tmpt lg utk aku mengadu. Ya Allah, tlg hambaMu ini. Aku amat tkot..klu bley aku ign sgt dia jd pelindung aku. Tp aku sedar blom tbe msenya..aku ttap akn menanti. Wlaupon hati ni dah letih mncari sinar, tp aku xkan b'ptus asa, Biarlah aku dimarahi dn mgkin akn dibenci oleh org yg plg aku cintai. Aku pcaya ada hikmah disebalik ni smua. Klu dia jodohku, InsyaAllah kami akn bersatu.

Is that too simple?

Trying to get what you mean,, But i couldn't. I did explained to you but y don't u want to try to listen? If u don't understand..just listen. Think before u say,.coz it hurts me enough! But i am still here for you. Y? Think bout it. Hmm..just so confused =(

A sorrow week =(

It has been 3 days (19th-21st) we all didn't talk so much. I didn't txt him for 2 days coz I was so frustrated. But we managed to get back. I was so happy n i missed him a lot (fever3) Like what ppl always said '2 jiwa klu da b'satu sukar utk dipisahkan' Yeah..but all of the things went upside down again. He found out dat i contacted his brother. OMG! I was so shocked. He scold me like hell. He pointed his finger to my face,yelled at me :'( Hmm,,it's not what I want. I was so confused at dat tyme. I only think how to makesure he will be ok if I am not around 1day. I was so scared to tell him the truth. N after he told me he has chosen his life path,, I feel so insecure,,since I've been threatened. I don't want to involve himself even I don't have anyone to ask for a help!! Now i managed to accept him whoever he is. But nah,,now I am the one who just ruined it. I was so upset wif myself. What more wif him =( He said i made him like an enemy to his family. N also i backstab him,,make fool of him. What should i do now? I don't deserve him huh?? Or actually I don't deserve to be love at all. I never want dis thing to happen but I am just a weak girl..

Sometimes..

I feel tired of being innocent. What i got is just a feeling that will hurts me! What should i do? I am trying to be flexible n less emo, but seems he doesn't care bout me anymore. It's okey if he doesn't want to bother bout me, but my feelings? Why is he doing this so over? I know i shouldn't questioned all of it..but i am just a girl who thinks dat her boy will love her wif ALL of his heart. Ya Allah,pls guide me =( I am totally lost. I am not sure what should i do? I couldn't even think what is best for us. Both of us don't want this to happen but seems he has chosen his path..which is not to choose me. As for this time he asked me to wait for him another 8 years n within dat I have to sacrifice my feelings! Ya Allah,pls gimme strength. I need help

I hope I made a right decision ;')

I am totally lost rite now,, After having such a long thoughts, I decided to ask a help from a right person, I don't kno much bout him. But i think he is a trusted adult! I told him bout what's happening between both of us. Yeah he also worried bout his brother. I believe he will try to help me coz it's related to his brother. Just I hope if that person finds out, I am so sorry. I am not intefering your life syg,,but I am trying to save you frm leading to a wrong path. We just can't look back what has happened in our life,but life gives us many options. Believe me it's for your good sake. I am sorry for betraying you :(

10.11.12

I have a great day today! Alhamdulillah after many things happened I am able to relaugh as myself =D I think I can accept all of the facts dat pop-up. *Facts: He is goin' away from me, I have to live my own :'( Yeah now i know why i feel relief now. I hope dis feeling will last longer. I bear not losing him. InsyaAllah i'll try to accept dis situation,, even it do hurts me a lot,but life must go on rite? I believe 1 day something good will show up.

Reopening my Blog =)

Assalamualaikum.. It has been such a long time dat i had left this blog. Seems so many things happened over the past few years. But currently I am so excited to be back as a Blogger. Frankly said I am surprised to c a new look of my blog. HAHAHA! (t'kia;2 jgak nak cari button) It's okey, I'll try to get use wif it. Just f.y.i I may not be the same person dat u used to know ^_^ Coz it's.... -A New Day for me Everyday Starting from Now-