Jiwa yg Kosong

hari ni aku gembira dpt jmpa dia. xtau nak ckp mcm mne,lps sbln berjauhan,rindu dlm hati ni x tertanggung. tp smua tu x kekal. perasaan aku kini kosong,. mimpi aku selama ni mnjdi knyataan. dan ape yg aku prnh luahkan 1 mse dulu mnjdi knyataan. aku x pasti knpa aku rse bahagia di smping dia tp sblh jiwaku lg kosong. adakah diri aku kini sdah menjadi sprti alah bisa tegal biasa? tp ini bkn pkra biasa,cma pkra yg prnah aku jangka. apa yg x kena dgn diri aku sbnrnya?? tabah kah aku sbnarnya?

Terhentinya Harapan itu...

aku sedar kini aku x patut mengharap. aku perlu terima hakikat x smua yg kita impikan dlm hidup ni akn menjadi realiti. aku mahu terus hidup dlm impian tu tp aku tau smua tu hanya akn memudaratkan diri aku. semakin aku cuba berlari utk mengejar bayangnya,semakin ketinggalan aku di belakangnya. kehadiran aku yg scra tiba-tiba dlm hidupnya x mgkin dpt menghapuskan masa silamnya. aku seorg yg dilahirkan tanpa mengetahui erti jemu mgkin sbb aku sedar aku perlu pandai membawa diri. kedudukan aku x prnah tergugat dgn halangan sebelum ni tp masa mengubah diriku. dulu aku x prnah berputus asa utk dapatkan apa yg aku impikan,biar sepayah mana pun. tp kali ni aku terpaksa mengalah,usaha aku hnya sia2. kata2 yg pernah dikeluarkan dari bibir insan yg aku sayangi membuat aku rasa kerdil sgt2. dan sememangnya aku berharap supaya smua ni bkn realiti,tp apakan daya. aku akan terus menunggu dan biarlah takdir yg menentukan. sayang,semoga impianmu itu tercapai..berjalanlah tanpa menoleh sedikit pun ke arahku.

Coretan dari Rumah Sakit

today da msuk 2 hari aku msok hospital. x sangka de jgak yg dtg visit. tp sedey aku igt dia akn dtg..tp mmg xde pluang. die de hal family. hmm,btol kata org time kta skit ni lah kta akn tau siape yg ambk berat,prihatin dn kdg kta boleh tau di mna kedudukan kta kat hati org. knapa lah aku slalu b'mimpi di siang hari. ehm,ni lah padah menjolok srg tebuan. sengat dn bisa tertinggal tp penawar hnye 1 dlm seribu.. ye aku sedar aku bkn lg no 1 dn x ptut impikan tmpt s'jauh tu dlm hati dia.

Why must it be now?

December..a month of sorrow,. Why must it be this hard? Dari isu aku memakai pakaian yg x sempurna(ketat) dia mula berubah pelik. Setiap hari aku dimarahi,dilayan mcm aku ni asing bg dia. Hmm,,mmg salah aku tp aku da minx maaf dn aku da xnk ulangi kesilapan tu. In fact skg aku tgh try usha2 baju yg sesuai dgn piawaian sbgai seorg muslimah. Selama ni aku pkai t-shirt tp sjak dgn dia aku try utk wat ape yg terbaik utk diri aku dan hubungan kami. Hmm,,silapnya hari tu aku beli bju saiz L..dlu aku muat saiz tu tp skg da x. aku mmg x cuba sbb baju murah,al maklum x bley nak try2. Bla aku pkai dpn ibu, ibu ckp ok sbb bju tu labuh..so aku proceed. Sampai ke hari ni,dia bkn je fkir aku mainkan kprcayaan yg dia bg,instead dia ungkit sume bnde yg dah lepas. Aku sedih shingga benda plg sensitif antara kami pun dia sanggup ragui(x perlu utk aku bgtau ape). Aku cuba utk bahagiakan dia, ambil hati dia tp semakin hari aku rase diri aku teruk. Ade je yg x kena pd diri aku. Why is it I can't become like him? Even he did many things to me i still don't want to give up on him. Am i too cruel to myself? Aku kecewa kenapa bla jd mcm ni dia mesti ungkit hal yg dia dah maafkan aku. Itu maknanya selama ni dia x maafkan aku ke? Aku bingung.. Aku da pilih utk ikut jalan dia,wlaupun aku tau masa hadapan akn lg mencabar,. Aku hormat diri dia(xpnh skly pun aku melawan) tp ape lagi salah aku? Aku rindu sgt2 kat dia,,puas aku mengadu pada Allah tp aku xdpt bendung. Aku call dia banyak kali,tp dia x angkat. Yeah i know he got something which is more important but he didn't call me back as usual. Sepanjang seminggu ni da x ada lagi call aku malam2. Besar sgt ke kesalahan aku? Aku nak dia tau yg aku xpnh b'ptus asa dgn hubungan kami..tp aku kecewa. Dia layan aku mcm aku mengemis kasih syg dia.. Aku sedar spe diri aku, aku xpnh rasa kasih s'org lelaki. Aku tau aku banyak bebankan dia..tp aku x pnh minx lebih dpd ape yg dia bley buat utk aku. Aku tau blum masanya utk dia wat bnde yg aku ske,dpd awal aku da maklum hal tu. Tp bukan ini yg aku bayangkan.. Air mata aku dah kering dan aku rase jiwa aku semakin mati. Aku xnk rasa ni hilang, aku cuba utk bahagiakan dia tp aku gagal. Puas aku fikir tp aku jmpe jalan buntu. X ada lg kata2 manja,ily yg keluar dpd bibir dia. Aku benci diri aku yg sentiasa cba menutup kesalahan dia. Hidup aku hanya mampu berharap.. Aku x mampu utk tinggalkan dia,diri aku sanggup terseksa tp jiwa aku memberontak dan menangis. Aku x tau apa lg ptut aku buat. Aku terlalu sedih.. Ini ke nasib org yg menumpang? Kenapa kehidupan aku jd mcm ni??

Lirik ni sgt mendalam maknanya (-,_-)

Klu sy xde 1 ari nnti awk hayati lah lagu ni ye. Sy syg awk sgt2! Sumpah sy xpnh rse mcm ni :*) Hanya dirimu yang ku cinta Takkan membuat aku jatuh cinta lagi Aku merasa kau yang terbaik untuk diriku Walau ku tahu kau tak sempurna Takkan membuat aku jauh darimu Apa adanya ku kan tetap setia kepadmau Tuhan jagakan dia Dia kekasihku, kan tetap milikku Aku sungguh mencintai Sungguh menyayangi setulus hatiku Walau ku tahu kau takkan sempurna Takkan membuat aku jauh darimu Apa adanya ku kan tetap setia kepadmau Tuhan jagakan dia Dia kekasihku, kan tetap milikku Aku sungguh mencintai Sungguh menyayangi setulus hatiku Tuhan jagakan dia Dia kekasihku, kan tetap milikku Aku sungguh mencintai Sungguh menyayangi setulus hatiku Tuhan jagakan dia Dia kekasihku, kan tetap milikku Aku sungguh sungguh mencintai Sungguh menyayangi setulus hatiku

The Story

This week study x bnyk buat ape pun.. Just lecturer gave out briefing bout the subjects. Yeah seems I am goin to enjoy my year this semester =) I received my task during the first day of my class. Same goes wif the next day..da mula search bahan lah smua. But I got 1 interesting assignment. Just for intro my lecturer asked to do bout our loved one. Yeah for me of course I talked bout my mom and my love. Yeah seems my story is very different from anyone else. Yela org lain citer psl familyt segala. But I don't have such a 'happy family'. I just have ibu to. Coz the terms of 'happy family' can only be termised when there r father,mother,brother and sister. That is obviously what we can call as a family. But nvm, I was happy enough with my life coz i have ibu and my love 'Mr.E.F' For the next post I am goin to tell you why and how special is he to me =)

A Year +++ with You,You n You only ;)

Assalamualaikum sayang? Just wanna wish you Happy Anny! No matter what has happened and what will happen.. I am too glad that I have you. Being with you is not what I ever dream for but having a person like you who is no one knows the reason y is the unbelievable thing that I ever did. Whenever we fight,we will get back again. I hope our love will last longer. And I pray to Allah you will be a good 'h' for me 1 day. Even we're not as good as what we expected,but love just can't be buy. Remember ok sayang ;D Songs to dedicate - Kau Yang Terindah by Alyah - Here Without You ost Pride and Prejudice LOTS OF <3 X.O.X.O

Besor panjang dah?

Heee...happy larh! Giler x happy? Diam x diam dah sem 2 dah skg ni. Hah,nak tau? CGPA alhamdulillah memberansangkan tp syg lah ade 1 subjek ni. MEMALUKAN! Xpnh dpt B or bwh dpdnye tbe2 sem 1 dpt B+!!! Sedey jgak tp xdpt nak buat apa sbb pihak HEA inform utk recheck marks hnye 2 mnggu after result ='( Hmmm kecewa bla dgr de chance dpt A+ subjek uh tp kemungkinan kesilapan key-in t'jadi. Tp x pe lah mgkin bkn rezeki, de hikmahnya kan? Ibu dan Si Dia support aku. Terubat jgak kekecewaan ni. Ape pun terima kasih Allah =)

Hope it will last long..

I went out wif him today'. I was so nervous. I was trying to be cool but deep inside i feel i was carrying a bomb! Gosh, i can see his smile though i know he still hurts. But at least i know he still wif me. I won't give up!!! As the nite came, I saw a full moon. I am hoping that as long as there's a tyme to catch wif those hopes i won't stop from chasing after it. I won't repeat the same thing. Now i just want him back..n i want to keep only beautiful memory of him =')

Unforgivable Mistake

p/s : sayang I am happy for you.. Thanx for today, I appreciate u still wanna look at my foolish face. Even there's no smile from you. I have done my best to hide my sadness. It has been a week i cried every nyte. I just can't forgive myself,i am a jerk! What else I can do? I can only try,try n keep on trying to have you back like before. Even it looks like there's no hope. I won't give up coz I love you sooo much more than myself :') I respect yr decision..i think u've thought that is the best for us rite? Sayang,,i only have u beside my mom. I am sorry for letting you down till dis bad. But i am too afraid, i was lost at dat moment. I try to get you, but i am not dat strong even till now. Please forgive me(if i should kneel to you,i would do) My heart is not important anymore.. I just want a forgiveness from you. Not an ordinary forgiveness,but from the bottom of yr heart. Hmmm,.

Adakah ini takdirnya?

Hari ni aku beranikan diri terima ajakan dia kluar,. Kami tgk wyg cter Twilight. Aku rindukan dia,aku nak sgt kami mcm dulu(sdkit hrapan) Hmm,,tp ape yg aku jangka dn risaukan t'nyata brlaku, Tiada segaris snyuman pun yg muncul dr bibir dia. Tiada gurauan dn sakatan spt selalu. Aku hnya membisu kebanyakan waktu, cbe menyanyi dn t'snyum utk mngurangkan debar. SUMPAH! aku tkot sgt2,. nak b'sore aku tkot. Hnya kedengaran sore nada tnggi knyakannya dpd dia =( Kejamnya aku! Aku punca dia serik smpai ke thap tu. Sememangnya kami da x mcm dulu,tp di saat dia cba b'baek dgn aku.. Aku lah pnce sume ni!! Da xkan ade lg istilah 'dulu' katanya. Ape ptot aku buat? Aku hnya mampu menangis pd mlm hari. Dn bla siang menjelma, aku cbe utk lpekn kesedihan ni. Sungguh aku amt mencintai dn menyayangi lelaki ini. Tp aku tlalau b'gantung pd dia dn scre x lgsung aku b'hrap pd dia. Bla tmbul kesilapan yg aku lkukan, dia prgi tanpa menoleh ke blkg. Aku? X mmpu utk lakukan apa2.. Aku cme mahukan sekeping kemaafan. Dia dah pun maafkan aku scre lisan, tp dalaman aku tahu aku x lyak utk dimaafkan! Aku sdar sape diri aku, sjak dlu lg aku mmg lyak dibenci ole org yg aku syg. Hmm..adakah lg sinar bg diri aku? Aku mahu bhnti hdup dlm hrapan tp aku x mmpu. Aku x mahu menumpang lg, tp niat aku tulus utk mencintai dia. Mgkin btol kta dia tlalu awal utk hbngan kami. Tp npe kali ni aku x mmpu mngatakan apa2? Aku xpnh demand utk dia ikut cara aku, sbb aku tau dia x mmpu. Tp aku rindu dia yg dulu,yg cbe utk ikut caraku. Skrg sume da hlg..krn prbuatan aku!! Sungguh aku btmbah buntu.. aku diburu masa silam dn masa hdapan yg samar. Xde tmpt lg utk aku mengadu. Ya Allah, tlg hambaMu ini. Aku amat tkot..klu bley aku ign sgt dia jd pelindung aku. Tp aku sedar blom tbe msenya..aku ttap akn menanti. Wlaupon hati ni dah letih mncari sinar, tp aku xkan b'ptus asa, Biarlah aku dimarahi dn mgkin akn dibenci oleh org yg plg aku cintai. Aku pcaya ada hikmah disebalik ni smua. Klu dia jodohku, InsyaAllah kami akn bersatu.

Is that too simple?

Trying to get what you mean,, But i couldn't. I did explained to you but y don't u want to try to listen? If u don't understand..just listen. Think before u say,.coz it hurts me enough! But i am still here for you. Y? Think bout it. Hmm..just so confused =(

A sorrow week =(

It has been 3 days (19th-21st) we all didn't talk so much. I didn't txt him for 2 days coz I was so frustrated. But we managed to get back. I was so happy n i missed him a lot (fever3) Like what ppl always said '2 jiwa klu da b'satu sukar utk dipisahkan' Yeah..but all of the things went upside down again. He found out dat i contacted his brother. OMG! I was so shocked. He scold me like hell. He pointed his finger to my face,yelled at me :'( Hmm,,it's not what I want. I was so confused at dat tyme. I only think how to makesure he will be ok if I am not around 1day. I was so scared to tell him the truth. N after he told me he has chosen his life path,, I feel so insecure,,since I've been threatened. I don't want to involve himself even I don't have anyone to ask for a help!! Now i managed to accept him whoever he is. But nah,,now I am the one who just ruined it. I was so upset wif myself. What more wif him =( He said i made him like an enemy to his family. N also i backstab him,,make fool of him. What should i do now? I don't deserve him huh?? Or actually I don't deserve to be love at all. I never want dis thing to happen but I am just a weak girl..

Sometimes..

I feel tired of being innocent. What i got is just a feeling that will hurts me! What should i do? I am trying to be flexible n less emo, but seems he doesn't care bout me anymore. It's okey if he doesn't want to bother bout me, but my feelings? Why is he doing this so over? I know i shouldn't questioned all of it..but i am just a girl who thinks dat her boy will love her wif ALL of his heart. Ya Allah,pls guide me =( I am totally lost. I am not sure what should i do? I couldn't even think what is best for us. Both of us don't want this to happen but seems he has chosen his path..which is not to choose me. As for this time he asked me to wait for him another 8 years n within dat I have to sacrifice my feelings! Ya Allah,pls gimme strength. I need help

I hope I made a right decision ;')

I am totally lost rite now,, After having such a long thoughts, I decided to ask a help from a right person, I don't kno much bout him. But i think he is a trusted adult! I told him bout what's happening between both of us. Yeah he also worried bout his brother. I believe he will try to help me coz it's related to his brother. Just I hope if that person finds out, I am so sorry. I am not intefering your life syg,,but I am trying to save you frm leading to a wrong path. We just can't look back what has happened in our life,but life gives us many options. Believe me it's for your good sake. I am sorry for betraying you :(

10.11.12

I have a great day today! Alhamdulillah after many things happened I am able to relaugh as myself =D I think I can accept all of the facts dat pop-up. *Facts: He is goin' away from me, I have to live my own :'( Yeah now i know why i feel relief now. I hope dis feeling will last longer. I bear not losing him. InsyaAllah i'll try to accept dis situation,, even it do hurts me a lot,but life must go on rite? I believe 1 day something good will show up.

Reopening my Blog =)

Assalamualaikum.. It has been such a long time dat i had left this blog. Seems so many things happened over the past few years. But currently I am so excited to be back as a Blogger. Frankly said I am surprised to c a new look of my blog. HAHAHA! (t'kia;2 jgak nak cari button) It's okey, I'll try to get use wif it. Just f.y.i I may not be the same person dat u used to know ^_^ Coz it's.... -A New Day for me Everyday Starting from Now-